A Return to Blogging (but with no words)

I've been neglectful of my blog, I know. Life is jam packed and Facebook is faster, easier, ordered up in smaller, more digestible bites while blogging always takes me so long. I'm known for always getting the words wrong (just ask anyone who's ever listened to me try and sing along with the radio) so composing blog posts is no quick, easy thing, but here it is...

My dad has been sick. Back in February he started feeling nauseous and was throwing up all the time, suffering with terrible stomach cramps. Doctor's ran tests and found nothing wrong so they ran more tests and prescribed antacids. Fast forward to three weeks ago... Dad has now lost 80 pounds and Mom takes him in for a final test, insisting they do an esophageal endoscopy (take a look down the throat). The doctor does it reluctantly. Before the procedure he asks my father, "why do you want to be sick?"
Seriously.

They found a malignant tumor right where the esophagus and stomach connect. The tumor is rather large and in a hard to reach spot and the surgeon doesn't seem too hopeful. That leaves radiation and chemo and whatever else. Needless to say, those options aren't preferable.

When I speak to my parents "they are fine". What else would they be. It's all a little weird, unreal, and Stepfordish for me and I'm feeling the distance of living 16 hours away. I imagine they're feeling a bit disconnected themselves.

So I need prayer. My family needs prayer. I've contacted my church prayer chain, but I believe that prayer is like chocolate, and more is better. And as I've witnessed these past few weeks with Miss Skaggs, prayer can do mighty things. So please pray.

I'd like to give you specific areas to pray into, but as this last Sunday when I had sweet, loving people ask me how they could pray for me I went blank, I am still blank. No wrong words this time just a lack. So I go to that same "I'm-fine" Stepford place. So lame. Guess the apple didn't fall far.

Matt has a weird ability to pray the words out of my heart. This is what he is praying:

• That the tumor disappears.
• That the bleak sense of isolation is lifted, and that Earl and Pat are brought closer to God.
• I got a real sense that for some time now, there’s been a blocking of the nourishment that Earl gets from Jesus. Since the tumor has come into existence and has grown, that blocking of nourishment has been reflected in our physical world – but it feels like they come from the same place. My prayer here is against the enemy who is directly responsible for blocking both spiritual and physical nourishment from Earl – I pray that that enemy would no longer be able to stand between Earl and nourishment – physical, and especially the nourishment for Earl’s spirit that comes from Jesus.
• I prayed for a thirst to take hold of Earl and Pat – a thirst for the Living Water of Jesus, and that they would know from whence that thirst came.
• During prayer, I had an image presented to me of Michael laying hands on Earl.
• I told Jesus that the image seems unlikely to me, but at the same time, I desperately want it. This is my prayer for that: “Michael has known You, and You’ve walked with him though he may not realize it. It’s time now for him to realize his worth in You and to see the path that You’ve laid out for him. It’s time for Michael to open his eyes and see the world as You see it. I ask for this image of Michael laying hands on Earl in Your name, to be made real.”
• I prayed for fireworks – that the urging and prompting to seek Jesus would not be subtle, but that it would be heralded with fireworks.

My parents and brother are believers, but all have been out of Christian community for years and I have watched each medicate themselves with different distractions. Aside from a moral code of nice-ness I don't know how deep any of their relationships with Christ go and in this time, it seems to me, it's not enough to cling to a hopeful moral code, but rather one needs to be able hear the words of a Savior that loves so completely that you can hear him whisper in your ear. This situation makes bumper sticker theology a reality slap: there is a difference between knowing of Christ and knowing Christ. And regardless of where this thing goes I want them to have that relationship, that bone-deep knowing.

So there you go. Don't know if that'll help with direction. I feel like I'm leaving so much out, but that's all I got right now. Tumor-free and fireworks, or something to that effect.

Thanks for reading and for the prayer. More as I know it.

In His Steps,

-Beth